Silence

So, I know I've been pretty quiet on here lately, and I've been beating myself up about it a little. Wondering why I'm not more clever and why I don't have more fascinating things on my little blog. Then I remembered ... oh, yeah, I'm not doing anything right now for two reasons: 1) all my spare time is either spent at the hospital, going to the hospital, or pumping for the baby (read 8 hours a day at least) AND 2) none of my time is spent sleeping. Seriously, if I am in any position for more than 5 minutes, I'm fighting to keep my eyes open. That's ok, it could be worse, I could be packing up the baby clothes and/or making a lot of returns at the store. I'll take this route.

Then I started thinking about the crazy things stress and sleep deprevation are making me do. I repeat, MAKING ME DO because I don't have a choice in this nonsensical brain of mine. (Your honor, I swear the voices made me do it!) These are the things I've caught myself doing or not doing in the last couple of weeks:

a. Putting the cereal in the freezer
b. Promising anything to my 6 year old to get her to watch cartoons next to me in bed so I can take a nap
c. Forgetting to buy milk at the store when I went to the store just for milk (I got a lot of other things that I'm sure I don't need, but forgot the milk)
d. Forgetting to call and schedule a major surgery for my husband (yeah, that's not important honey)
e. Being enornomously pleased when I see not only has Laney put on non matching clothes to wear to school, but to hear, she has packed her lunch (sandwich, cookies, juice, cookies, donut, cookies) and ate breakfast (ho ho, granola bar, ice cream cone without the ice cream) all by herself -- I mean, I really was happy not to have to do any of these until I realized 4 hours later, that maybe I shouldn't have been?!
f. Not remembering to make dinner every single night until it's bedtime and Laney looks at me and says, "But I can't go to bed, I'm hungry. What's for dinner?" Yes, really, almost every night do I forget we eat dinner.

I think you get the point. Once I realized all the things I was either forgetting or erronousely thinking, I figured not getting a blog up here was no big deal after all. Is this a sign that I put too much pressure on myself as a woman? I actually expect myself to get the energy and motivation to blog when I can barely remember to feed my children? Sad story, but true. :)

Fall

I love this time of the year! I love the smells in the air of harvest and leaves falling that is carried on the crisp breezes. I love the knowledge Halloween is coming and the anticipation of watching Laney get excited for dressing up as another princess. I love knowing that I can drink my hot chocolate and no one will look at me funny because it is a little chilly outside. I love being so close to Thanksgiving and the season of gratitude. AH...I heart fall.

Blessed

So we have a lot of people asking how on earth we are managing to make it through this difficult time with Lindsay being a preemie in the NICU. I've thought about this quite a bit during the last 4 weeks she's been in the NICU, and I think it's only fair to explain a few things to everyone. First of all, please don't think we are amazing or superhuman, or some finite example of enduring challenges well. Hardly. I don't endure pretty much anything well. Just ask my husband. I'm horrible at nagging, whining, complaining, and moping. I might put on a brave face outside my front door, but behind it, I'm awful. Secondly and I guess finally, it's all about perspective. Last night, with the help of my friend, I was making a list of horrors our family has been through the last seven years. Now there's been a lot of joys, but I'm just going to list the major catastrophes here for you so you can understand my perspective. In short, here's an abbreviated list of the items I'm willing to put out there:

1. We moved 8 times (yep, more than once a year sometimes)
2. Between Arlin and I, we've had 12 new jobs - with that comes the stress of job searching and the economics of it all
3. We've had 3 children - each prematurely, with her own story of dramatics
4. We've lost one of our little babies and had to endure all that comes with that
5. Arlin has lost his memory (short and long term) for more than 3 months (yes, that means he didn't know us or anyone else)
6. We've had multiple major health scares, each of us - yes serious ones
7. We both lived with family and had family live with us (multiple times)
8. 3 of our moves occurred when we went somewhere "on vacation" - i.e. we cancelled our return trips home and only went back months later for our boxes of belongings
9. Multiple deaths in the family - both his and mine

They say if you get married, move, change jobs, have a birth/death in the family it is a time of major life stress. We've had at least 2 - 3 of those events happen per year, each year. It's to the point where I feel my life is ever in the "surreal" category. Forever, do I think, "This is one of those things that happens to other people." Forever do I think, "Wow. Just wow. Okay, let's see where this goes." I've stopped saying, I'm not moving again. I've stopped thinking this is where I'll be next year, or wonder what will happen next. You could say we don't make many long term plans. We are even tentative when it comes to planning vacations. Lol (especially since we don't return from them - ha ha). We've learned in our family to roll with the punches. We've learned that trials are part of life and the smooth journey is fleeting. We've also really learned to count our blessings. Our blessing this time is the baby will be coming home with us. Doesn't matter how long it takes to get her here, we know she's going to get here. That's a world of difference from last year. We are a family and we love each other, and we're together. We are fairly healthy, have clean food, a comfortable home, we are not living on the streets or going hungry or oppressed. Things could be so much worse for us you know? We really feel blessed to have all we do. To have a new baby is awesome. I wasn't really sure we'd get to this point, but I'm so happy we have. I'm so grateful we did. Yay us!

And thanks to all of you for your love and support during any and all of these great trials you've helped us face. Many of you have been there for us more than once and we are truly grateful and appreciative of the service rendered to our family. We couldn't have done half as well as we have if it wasn't for the blessing of great friends who are there for us. Thanks to all of you! We are blessed.

Welcome Lindsay

August 29th -- Welcome, Lindsay Anne. We are glad you are here! You've followed in the rare elusive footsteps of your sisters and come well before your due date (Oct 31). We are so happy to have you with us though, we don't mind too much. Right now you are in the NICU at a hopsital that is about 30 minutes away from the family. Daddy has been really sick too. Mommy's water broke while we were in the ER trying to see what was wrong with Daddy. Apparently, you thought that was too much attention for him. :) Daddy is getting a little better, but he has diverticulitis and is in a lot of pain. He has not come to visit you that much because he cannot be too active or ride in the car too long. He misses you. Mommy comes to see you almost every day. She's missed a couple of days here and there while taking care of big sister Laney. She didn't like missing you, but knows you are well cared for in the NICU.

Yesterday you were three weeks old. We've been so happy because you've been doing so well, but this last day or two has been really hard. You have an infection in your blood and it's been hard on your little body. Your stomach is very swollen and bloated, you've had to stop your feedings (you did not like this one bit!), and you've had several more "spells" than you were having. It has been worrying mommy quite a bit cause she does not like to see you sick when you are already so little, fighting so much. Yesterday, they performed a spinal tap on you to determine if you have a condition called meningitis. We'll find out in several days if that is so, but we don't know yet. We're hopeful you merely have an infection and that several days of antibotics will clear it up and you can get back to eating and sleeping normally. Before all this happened, you had gained a pound and were doing so well they were about to put you in a crib. I guess this is your way of telling us all to slow down and wait until you are ready. That's okay, we'll wait until you're ready. We're so happy to have you here with us, it's okay, we'll wait. Right now, mommy is still coming to visit you every day and gets to hold you for about an hour at a time. This is her favorite because she knows you can hear her, see her and smell her. You know she is there with you and it helps you be not so lonely.

For now, the rest of the family is keeping you in their prayers and will continue to do so. If the veil is still thin where you are, could you say hello to your big sister Taylor Anne and tell her Mommy and Daddy and Laney say hello and that we miss her too? We love you, baby girl and can't wait until you come home to be with us!

Love,

Mommy and Daddy and Laney

Deep Thoughts for a little kid

So I have to tell you about some of Laney's deep thoughts. I mean, this kid must really have a brain that churns, churns, churns. The other day she asked me about what Heavenly Father and Jesus created. I tried to explain to her how they made the heaven and the earth, water, animals, the sun and moon, all the nature stuff.

Well, I thought she had it, but a day or two later she went on a stint about how Jesus makes cars and houses and the kind of car and house she would like to "order" (for lack of a better word) for our family. I didn't even get started on explaining to her about putting in life "orders" :) Instead, scrambling at this point, I back peddle and explain how Jesus also made man/people. And how we all have intelligence and brains and we use our brains to be like Jesus and try to make things in our world. A kinda of practice I guess you could say...

So again, I think she's got it. A couple of more days go by, and then, today, she says, maybe Jesus will make a little rain today since it's so hot. NOW, how am I going to explain that while He did make water and earth and everything else, He also lets the laws of nature run their course?! This girl just out thinks me, I kid you not. Between her and the dog, I just can't keep up. :)

O, Romeo, Where Art Thou?

This is the face of a patient man, and the face of his best girl, Laney. My dear husband, patient man numero uno, has endured 7 months of pregnancy hormones to date (just counting this pregnancy). After the past couple of weeks it's a wonder he still thinks children are worth the mess it makes of his wife. Afterall, he's the one who has to clean up the mess of a wife. Let's all take a moment and pray for this poor poor man.

Summer Fun

Some how I've managed to type a really clever and charming post and then delete it once my pictures were uploaded. I'm no longer feeling so clever and charming so here's a brief recapped of my former post:

This summer we've tried to be more adventurous and leave the house, the yard and the neighborhood. Having worked almost Laney's entire life, I never realized what an effort it takes to get out there and do things. At least for me, it takes a lot of effort to get out there do things. We've definitely spent time inside doing projects, outside playing with the dog and the neighbors (we LOVE our neighbors!) and chilling out in the house. This year though, we've travelled a little, watched free movies at the local theater, attended library project days, met friends, gone to local parks, etc., etc. I think Laney's really enjoyed herself; I know I've been relieved to not have to stare at the same four walls every day. Check out our pics to see the kind of fun we've been having:

At the local water park

With church friends

In the nature center pretending to be a bug


Harvesting our garden at the nature center

Having the best summer ever!