There is one conversation (or two or three versions of the one conversation) I dread having with each of my girls:
The Sex Talk
Just YUCK! Laney turns 8 in about 3 weeks and I'm afraid we are getting close to have "the talk". I'm really not that prepared for this! I thought I had more time!!! I'm not sure who says things to her and I don't think she really even knows what they are saying, but I've had to correct her on a couple of things. For instance, the other day we were house cleaning and folding laundry on a Saturday in front of the TV with some Disney movie that had some type of kissing scene. Laney says to me, "Oh no, I can't look they are about to have SEX." Yep, said that she did. My heart dropped.
"What do you know about sex?" asks me.
"It is when they kiss," she says.
"Well, there is kissing in sex, but that is not really what sex is. What else do you know?"
"You are naked." Be still my beating heart. No, really, be still. Ugh. Now I know there have to be kids at school talking about this. Second graders. No way. I mean, she still gets her homework instructions confused sometimes, so how do they get the details of anything right? I knew we were no ready to have the entire conversation, and I don't think she would have even understood it if I did, but I also knew we had to do some cleaning up of her understanding of what sex was. So very generally I told her what it was for and how only mommies and daddies and husbands and wives have sex, and how it is special and those types of things. AND now I guess I cross my fingers and begin hoping that whomever in second grade that thinks they know all about sex, will move away this summer. Or become a mute. Either work for me.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
The Ties that Bind
I've been thinking lately about the memories we make with our kids and the way it shapes them in their personality and their lives and in their self esteem/confidence. I sometimes feel like two completely different moms with each of my girls, but I think in large part it is because of their personalities and how we have to change to what works with each individual. In some ways this is the same theory I use on my co-workers or employees because you have to talk to people in a language they understand and be the person who they are willing to work with to reach a common goal.
Laney has been very trying on boundaries lately. Not anything horrible, but as in, "how many times can I not listen before she will do something?" I do NOT like this stage. I've got tired of nagging, nagging, nagging, ask for results in a different way, and then finally being mean or punishing her to do something as easy as changing into PJ's or brushing teeth, or cleaning her room. My new trick is articulating to her that she has pushed me to the last teeny tiny told hold I have over my patience. I now tell her at this point that the "Nice Mom" is going to leave and the "Mean Mom" is going to come out. I ask her if she would like to work with the Mean Mom, the lady who puts her in the corner or takes away a toy or gives her the talking to and usually she says, "No" and gets her little self together and does what she is supposed to do. I wonder why this works so well for her, but I think it is almost like counting to three but in a more sophisticated way. She now knows when she can no longer avoid consequences or procrastinate action. It works for us. At least for now... Although, I do miss the simplicity of the reward chart days (and the attitude-free days).
Lindsay is a good kid too, but she is always laid back until you want her to do something you want. Such as, oh, going to bed, leaving the playground, getting out of her booster seat, you know, those kind of things. Then she has turned into a ferocious biter, kicker and screamer. She doesn't use a lot of words yet (although, "NO!" is one of her favorites) and so she heavily uses physical expression to convey her opinions. I try to talk her through these things and at first, it didn't help, but now she starts to listen a little more and scream a little less. She is almost 2 now, and I just can't believe the changes in this girl. The miracle of children is so different for me this time around. With Laney, I was more nervous and less engaged because I saw her so little with working so much. With Lindsay, I got to be with her almost the entire first year, and see the stages and watch the changes in minute detail. After the NICU, it was so amazing how these little babies are so determined to be born and thrive. They say NICU babies are fighters and go getters and I have to say I would agree. You show Lindsay how to do something once and she can duplicate it. Laney took a couple of walk throughs, but Lindsay is out to do something in this world and she's conquering and moving on already.
My girls are years apart in ages, but it's still just about the relationship, the time you spend, the memories you make and the way you teach them. I know these things will change them for the rest of their lives and I have to remind myself every day to take my time and get it right. Now I just need to remember to listen to myself a little more and take my time and get it right.
Laney has been very trying on boundaries lately. Not anything horrible, but as in, "how many times can I not listen before she will do something?" I do NOT like this stage. I've got tired of nagging, nagging, nagging, ask for results in a different way, and then finally being mean or punishing her to do something as easy as changing into PJ's or brushing teeth, or cleaning her room. My new trick is articulating to her that she has pushed me to the last teeny tiny told hold I have over my patience. I now tell her at this point that the "Nice Mom" is going to leave and the "Mean Mom" is going to come out. I ask her if she would like to work with the Mean Mom, the lady who puts her in the corner or takes away a toy or gives her the talking to and usually she says, "No" and gets her little self together and does what she is supposed to do. I wonder why this works so well for her, but I think it is almost like counting to three but in a more sophisticated way. She now knows when she can no longer avoid consequences or procrastinate action. It works for us. At least for now... Although, I do miss the simplicity of the reward chart days (and the attitude-free days).
Lindsay is a good kid too, but she is always laid back until you want her to do something you want. Such as, oh, going to bed, leaving the playground, getting out of her booster seat, you know, those kind of things. Then she has turned into a ferocious biter, kicker and screamer. She doesn't use a lot of words yet (although, "NO!" is one of her favorites) and so she heavily uses physical expression to convey her opinions. I try to talk her through these things and at first, it didn't help, but now she starts to listen a little more and scream a little less. She is almost 2 now, and I just can't believe the changes in this girl. The miracle of children is so different for me this time around. With Laney, I was more nervous and less engaged because I saw her so little with working so much. With Lindsay, I got to be with her almost the entire first year, and see the stages and watch the changes in minute detail. After the NICU, it was so amazing how these little babies are so determined to be born and thrive. They say NICU babies are fighters and go getters and I have to say I would agree. You show Lindsay how to do something once and she can duplicate it. Laney took a couple of walk throughs, but Lindsay is out to do something in this world and she's conquering and moving on already.
My girls are years apart in ages, but it's still just about the relationship, the time you spend, the memories you make and the way you teach them. I know these things will change them for the rest of their lives and I have to remind myself every day to take my time and get it right. Now I just need to remember to listen to myself a little more and take my time and get it right.
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