I keep thinking about things I need to do to make myself better, my family better, our lives better. I think there are several things I just to need to move on past and memories I need to let go. People I need to forgive and put away from my mind because they are stopping me from being the person I want to be. It's hard to determine when the things in life that happen to us are trials, consequences, or results of disobedience? And yes, I've prayed to know, but I guess sometimes it doesn't matter, I still need to deal and develop. President James E. Faust said,
"All of us suffer some injuries from experiences that seem to have no rhyme or reason. We cannot understand or explain them. We may never know why some things happen in this life. The reason for some of our suffering is known only to the Lord. But because it happens, it must be endured. President Howard W. Hunter said that “God knows what we do not know and sees what we do not see.”
President Brigham Young offered this profound insight that at least some of our suffering has a purpose when he said: “Every calamity that can come upon mortal beings will be suffered to come upon the few, to prepare them to enjoy the presence of the Lord. … Every trial and experience you have passed through is necessary for your salvation.”"
Read his entire talk here. I'm grateful for trial, grateful for consequences (they prove there is justice and that there is a purpose here), and even for punishment (it gets me back to where I need to be). I just wish sometimes it was easier to tell apart one from the other.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Monday, January 16, 2012
This Little Light of Mine
I am going to get around to posting some more recent pictures of the girls, I promise. In the mean time, I want to tell you some fairly funny things Laney has been telling me lately:
1: While changing a very yucky diaper of Lindsay's, Laney sits next to me and says, "It's a good thing we didn't have a son." Of course I respond with, "Why?" and her reply is, "Cause then you'd have to touch IT."
2: While working on chores at home on the weekend with Laney she says, "I wish we were at Grandma's house already." "Why is that?," I ask. "Because her house is more fun than here."
3: Lindsay is 2, so in being 2 she says a lot of No. Lately she says, "No Japanese!" (Um...yeah, I have no idea!)
4: For about 6 months now Lindsay has been very angry at the birds around town. Not sure how it started, or even the why, but anytime she sees birds she frantically waves her arm in the air in a shooing motion and says, "Go away birds!" or "Get outta here birds!" And she means it.
5: Laney is 8 and we've been talking about prayer, obedience, repentance and the like a lot lately, in effort to help her with her accountability. I've talked to her about hearing answers to her prayers and the such, but I think she has been thinking about it a lot because yesterday at church she told me, "Mom I know how to hear Heavenly Father when he talks to me. I say words to him, but not out loud, and without moving my lips and I told him 'I Love You' and I heard him say 'And I Love You' back to me."
6: My new name from Lindsay, "Mommom". One word, again, no idea because she does say Mama and they do sound differently.
7: Laney had a conduct note sent home from school for talking in class. She is definitely a little chatty and we've talked about it several times before, so in addition to no television over the weekend, Arlin had her write 'I will not talk in school' 100 times. (He's very old school when he's trying not to be a spanker). She wrote her sentences, served her time and we're on to a new week. Or so I thought, until she brought a sheet of paper up to me that had 'I will not talk' written 65 times. She told me she needed a head start in case Arlin told her to write sentences again the next time she was in trouble. hahahahah I think she missed the point there!
1: While changing a very yucky diaper of Lindsay's, Laney sits next to me and says, "It's a good thing we didn't have a son." Of course I respond with, "Why?" and her reply is, "Cause then you'd have to touch IT."
2: While working on chores at home on the weekend with Laney she says, "I wish we were at Grandma's house already." "Why is that?," I ask. "Because her house is more fun than here."
3: Lindsay is 2, so in being 2 she says a lot of No. Lately she says, "No Japanese!" (Um...yeah, I have no idea!)
4: For about 6 months now Lindsay has been very angry at the birds around town. Not sure how it started, or even the why, but anytime she sees birds she frantically waves her arm in the air in a shooing motion and says, "Go away birds!" or "Get outta here birds!" And she means it.
5: Laney is 8 and we've been talking about prayer, obedience, repentance and the like a lot lately, in effort to help her with her accountability. I've talked to her about hearing answers to her prayers and the such, but I think she has been thinking about it a lot because yesterday at church she told me, "Mom I know how to hear Heavenly Father when he talks to me. I say words to him, but not out loud, and without moving my lips and I told him 'I Love You' and I heard him say 'And I Love You' back to me."
6: My new name from Lindsay, "Mommom". One word, again, no idea because she does say Mama and they do sound differently.
7: Laney had a conduct note sent home from school for talking in class. She is definitely a little chatty and we've talked about it several times before, so in addition to no television over the weekend, Arlin had her write 'I will not talk in school' 100 times. (He's very old school when he's trying not to be a spanker). She wrote her sentences, served her time and we're on to a new week. Or so I thought, until she brought a sheet of paper up to me that had 'I will not talk' written 65 times. She told me she needed a head start in case Arlin told her to write sentences again the next time she was in trouble. hahahahah I think she missed the point there!
Friday, January 13, 2012
Got My Mind on My Money and My Money on My Mind
One employed spouse tends to make you take a hard look at money. We are technically able to pay our bills, but it's a squeaky kind of thing. I'm super grateful to be able to pay them too. This time a year ago, not so much on making bills. We've come a long way, baby. BUT the entire point of this post is really to bring up a idea Arlin and I saw on television the other day...a monthly financial fast. I was very impressed with the length the family would go to in order to keep their financial fast. And I must admit, we were both inspired and are thinking of putting a financial fast in place in our family. Here's how it works (according to my understanding of the show): for a predetermined time period you do not spend money. For this family, it was once a month, they have a week where they "fast" and do not spend money for an entire week during the month. It was crazy watching their extremes...they would run out of shampoo and use the little mini freebie shampoos you get from a hotel, and they would scrounge for loose change in their couch, around air machines at gas stations, etc. to pick up dinner if they ran out of food around the house. It was crazy.
I'm not sure we'll dig for change around air machines, but there are weeks where we can not get those extra groceries that we want just cause we have a craving, not go out to eat, not do any movies at the redbox, or just not spend the money. It's amazing how much money leaves your wallet in small drips as opposed to large gushes. I'm hoping we do institute a week or at least several days of financial fasting at our house. I'd like to see how it changes things and maybe it will help us curb bad habits in our other weeks.
I'm not sure we'll dig for change around air machines, but there are weeks where we can not get those extra groceries that we want just cause we have a craving, not go out to eat, not do any movies at the redbox, or just not spend the money. It's amazing how much money leaves your wallet in small drips as opposed to large gushes. I'm hoping we do institute a week or at least several days of financial fasting at our house. I'd like to see how it changes things and maybe it will help us curb bad habits in our other weeks.
Thursday, December 22, 2011
A Year to Remember
Now that the year is drawing to a close, I think a lot about how it turned out much different than I expected. Both for the good and the ill (BUT mostly for the good). It's kinda like giving birth ... a horribly painful experience while it's happening, but once it's over, you have a hard time remembering just how strong those pains were). We started the year with roommates (and in case you didn't know, we've had a lot of roomies over the year) and they moved on, we had a couple of months to ourselves, and then got more roomies, and then they too moved on. Now we're all alone and I LOVE it! Just in case you didn't know, having others live with you when you have a family is crazy HARD. It's hard on everyone and it's uncomfortable and stretching and just plain not fun. Hard to shield your kids from the bad habits of others when they are under your roof, hard to keep your kids from bothering others when they are so accessible, hard from absorbing the cost of others' expenses when you live in a community (which in turn is a killer to the budget), and hard to not resent other's habits when you feel they don't respect the rules of the house, when you're the one providing the house. Having said that, it feels good to know that we have helped others in need to the extent that we could, for the time that we could. Having said THAT, we will not live with others again, or let them move in again EVER.
Budget/debt wise, this year has been a pretty good year. 17 months ago we returned to Texas after living on the East coast for the _ time. I say _ cause it's easy to lose count, we've moved back and forth so many times. Anywho, we moved back unemployed, flat broke, in hock way past any of my worst dreams, and with very little hope that things would ever find relief. 16 months later, things are so much better. I've been working with a great company for 16 of those 17 months, Arlin has had a good job and is now enjoying time with the girls before he begins his next adventure, we've paid down a substantial amount of debt, moved our belongings here (after sleeping on an air mattress with only a pack and play and a tub of toys to keep us company for about 3 months), and we've settled into a life again. It's been great. I finally feel like a real girl now that we do not have company, and I can just worry about my little family. Working full time and running a small business with 10 employees in my part time really takes a lot of my energy and when I have to deal with others, I lose all energy for anything beyond making dinner, cleaning the house, and doing laundry. Now I can think about canning and food storage, Christmas cards, decorating, organizing my financial papers, you name it! So super exciting!
Health wise we are all pretty good. We are working towards eating better and maintaining our levels of physical activity. Lindsay's eyes are doing great since her surgery, and her skins is fairing much better too. Laney is settling in to third grade, and might just make it through. We are looking at starting gymnastics and perhaps softball in the spring. Life is good, and now we can finally get to doing things that we enjoy instead of just survival. I was wondering if we would be able to make it another year, at this time last year. AND now I can look back and see the blessings and the changes and the great things that have happened to get my family back on track, and headed down the road we've been trying to be on all along. I'd say I'm going to miss you 2011, but I don't think I would relive you again at all. Instead, I'm going to say, Welcome 2012, Let's Make this a Great One too!
Budget/debt wise, this year has been a pretty good year. 17 months ago we returned to Texas after living on the East coast for the _ time. I say _ cause it's easy to lose count, we've moved back and forth so many times. Anywho, we moved back unemployed, flat broke, in hock way past any of my worst dreams, and with very little hope that things would ever find relief. 16 months later, things are so much better. I've been working with a great company for 16 of those 17 months, Arlin has had a good job and is now enjoying time with the girls before he begins his next adventure, we've paid down a substantial amount of debt, moved our belongings here (after sleeping on an air mattress with only a pack and play and a tub of toys to keep us company for about 3 months), and we've settled into a life again. It's been great. I finally feel like a real girl now that we do not have company, and I can just worry about my little family. Working full time and running a small business with 10 employees in my part time really takes a lot of my energy and when I have to deal with others, I lose all energy for anything beyond making dinner, cleaning the house, and doing laundry. Now I can think about canning and food storage, Christmas cards, decorating, organizing my financial papers, you name it! So super exciting!
Health wise we are all pretty good. We are working towards eating better and maintaining our levels of physical activity. Lindsay's eyes are doing great since her surgery, and her skins is fairing much better too. Laney is settling in to third grade, and might just make it through. We are looking at starting gymnastics and perhaps softball in the spring. Life is good, and now we can finally get to doing things that we enjoy instead of just survival. I was wondering if we would be able to make it another year, at this time last year. AND now I can look back and see the blessings and the changes and the great things that have happened to get my family back on track, and headed down the road we've been trying to be on all along. I'd say I'm going to miss you 2011, but I don't think I would relive you again at all. Instead, I'm going to say, Welcome 2012, Let's Make this a Great One too!
Friday, December 9, 2011
A Little Comfort in Time of Struggle
So yesterday Arlin sent me some messages telling about how someone who I thought I was helping, did not apparently have the same viewpoint of the situation as I did. It's tough when you are sacrificing and you feel as the person for whom you are sacrificing neither notices nor appreciates the sacrifices you and your family make. I think some of the situation is a matter of perspective for me and this person. They see the situation from their angle, and I, mine. I try to understand we are different and approach things differently, but for me it all comes down to when you are a beggar, don't be a chooser.
If someone is helping you and offering all they have and do so willing, with an open heart, well then, don't tramp on their heart. Don't expect to take the gift you are given and use it according to your rules. If someone asks you to join them for dinner, you don't tell them what to put on the menu. If you are offered a ride, you don't tell them the route to drive you where you need to go. If someone gives you a long term gift, you need to understand the parameters of the gift you are given. If it is something you can deal with, then by all mean accept the gift. If you don't like the arrangements that come with the gift, then find someone else to help. And be specific. If you need a ride, but you need to drive a route, or stop at 3 stores along the way then you need to tell someone that. If someone lets you borrow their car for several months, but says they cannot pay for your gas or the car repairs while you use it; then you need to recognize the limits, pay for your own gas, and make sure to change the oil and filters, and rotate the tires while you're driving around town in your FREE ride. Don't keep the car longer than lent, and don't ask for gas money, or ignore the maintenance cause it's not your car. That's just taking advantage of people. It hurts the giver and makes them unwilling to help again for fear of being burned. And if you have a problem, man up and speak to someone. Talking nasty talk to some one's spouse is neither classy nor respectable.
I cried tears for people and their cruel words about me to Arlin when I'm trying to help to the best of my ability, with parameters I have been very CLEAR about. I ranted, I raved, I lost my appetite, I prayed for help not to retaliate (perhaps the person was seeking a reaction?) and I prayed for help to make it through this last little bitty bit of time left that I've committed to helping someone I will not help again. The scar is too deep and permanent, and I see how I am taken advantage of yet again. In my time of hurt I had a couple of scriptures come to mind. First, Doctrine & Covenants 121:6-15:
"6 Remember thy suffering saints, O our God; and thy servants will rejoice in thy name forever.
7 My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment;
8 And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes.
9 Thy friends do stand by thee, and they shall hail thee again with warm hearts and friendly hands.
10 Thou art not yet as Job; thy friends do not contend against thee, neither charge thee with transgression, as they did Job.
11 And they who do charge thee with transgression, their hope shall be blasted, and their prospects shall melt away as the hoar frost melteth before the burning rays of the rising sun;
12 And also that God hath set his hand and seal to change the times and seasons, and to blind their minds, that they may not understand his marvelous workings; that he may prove them also and take them in their own craftiness;
13 Also because their hearts are corrupted, and the things which they are willing to bring upon others, and love to have others suffer, may come upon themselves to the very uttermost;
14 That they may be disappointed also, and their hopes may be cut off;
15 And not many years hence, that they and their posterity shall be swept from under heaven, saith God, that not one of them is left to stand by the wall."
AND 3 Nephi 12:44:
"44 But behold I say unto you, love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them who despitefully use you and persecute you;"
I must admit I'm having a super hard time with the one in 3Nephi. I'm trying, I haven't said anything to the person, so hopefully that counts for me being and doing good. Sigh. Why do people use others?
If someone is helping you and offering all they have and do so willing, with an open heart, well then, don't tramp on their heart. Don't expect to take the gift you are given and use it according to your rules. If someone asks you to join them for dinner, you don't tell them what to put on the menu. If you are offered a ride, you don't tell them the route to drive you where you need to go. If someone gives you a long term gift, you need to understand the parameters of the gift you are given. If it is something you can deal with, then by all mean accept the gift. If you don't like the arrangements that come with the gift, then find someone else to help. And be specific. If you need a ride, but you need to drive a route, or stop at 3 stores along the way then you need to tell someone that. If someone lets you borrow their car for several months, but says they cannot pay for your gas or the car repairs while you use it; then you need to recognize the limits, pay for your own gas, and make sure to change the oil and filters, and rotate the tires while you're driving around town in your FREE ride. Don't keep the car longer than lent, and don't ask for gas money, or ignore the maintenance cause it's not your car. That's just taking advantage of people. It hurts the giver and makes them unwilling to help again for fear of being burned. And if you have a problem, man up and speak to someone. Talking nasty talk to some one's spouse is neither classy nor respectable.
I cried tears for people and their cruel words about me to Arlin when I'm trying to help to the best of my ability, with parameters I have been very CLEAR about. I ranted, I raved, I lost my appetite, I prayed for help not to retaliate (perhaps the person was seeking a reaction?) and I prayed for help to make it through this last little bitty bit of time left that I've committed to helping someone I will not help again. The scar is too deep and permanent, and I see how I am taken advantage of yet again. In my time of hurt I had a couple of scriptures come to mind. First, Doctrine & Covenants 121:6-15:
"6 Remember thy suffering saints, O our God; and thy servants will rejoice in thy name forever.
7 My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment;
8 And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes.
9 Thy friends do stand by thee, and they shall hail thee again with warm hearts and friendly hands.
10 Thou art not yet as Job; thy friends do not contend against thee, neither charge thee with transgression, as they did Job.
11 And they who do charge thee with transgression, their hope shall be blasted, and their prospects shall melt away as the hoar frost melteth before the burning rays of the rising sun;
12 And also that God hath set his hand and seal to change the times and seasons, and to blind their minds, that they may not understand his marvelous workings; that he may prove them also and take them in their own craftiness;
13 Also because their hearts are corrupted, and the things which they are willing to bring upon others, and love to have others suffer, may come upon themselves to the very uttermost;
14 That they may be disappointed also, and their hopes may be cut off;
15 And not many years hence, that they and their posterity shall be swept from under heaven, saith God, that not one of them is left to stand by the wall."
AND 3 Nephi 12:44:
"44 But behold I say unto you, love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them who despitefully use you and persecute you;"
I must admit I'm having a super hard time with the one in 3Nephi. I'm trying, I haven't said anything to the person, so hopefully that counts for me being and doing good. Sigh. Why do people use others?
Monday, December 5, 2011
Gospel and Doctrine Thoughts
Brother Bradbury rocks my world as a Gospel and Doctrine teacher! I've had many teachers over my life time, and many of them are okay, a few are bad, and fewer still are WONDERFUL. Brother Bradbury falls in that last category cause I click with what the dude says. I mean click. And lately, that's a great things cause I don't feel like I'm getting much out of my 3 hours of meetings I manage to drag myself to 2x a month (I'm trying to do better!!) AND PS I say drag cause I'm still having a super hard time with the wrestle-maina with a 2 year old, shhhhh don't tell cause I know I'm a bad mom!
So anywho, yesterday, first Sunday of December was Fast & Testimony meeting which was super great until the end when it ran 20 minutes over and I had already used up my predetermined one hour and fifteen minutes of metered child patience (yes, I love the word super right now). After dropping the girls off at class and heaving a HUGE sigh of relief for no more wrestling, I went to class (a place I had been running from cause I usually did Young Women's business in the halls during second hour). Brother Bradbury was trying to cover 1st and 2nd Peter during a shortened class, and as you can imagine we only got through 1 Peter Chapters 1 & 2. My moment of inspiration came when I read this:
1 Peter 1:3-9
"3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, which according to his abundant mercy hath begotten us again unto a lively hope by the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead,
4 To an inheritance incorruptible, and undefiled, and that fadeth not away, reserved in heaven for you,
5 Who are kept by the power of God through faith unto salvation ready to be revealed in the last time.
6 Wherein ye greatly rejoice, though now for a season, if need be, ye are in heaviness through manifold temptations:
7 That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ:
8 Whom having not seen, ye love; in whom, though now ye see him not, yet believing, ye rejoice with joy unspeakable and full of glory:
9 Receiving the end of your faith, even the salvation of your souls."
Really great huh? I still often think of trials as moments to endure, moments to stretch us, moments to make us grow. I know I'm supposed to be grateful for these moments to improve and be better, but I cannot seriously explain the number of days and prayers I have used up in begging the Lord to simply give me a break from trials, from growing, from stretching. Seriously, just like a one year period. I usually just get a couple of months between disaster, so one year would be like manna to a starving wanderer. But yesterday I was reminded that trials can be temptations. A temptation to sin, to give up, or change who I want to be. I'm reminded to carry on and rejoice in my blessings for the ability to even receive the trial and the ability to wake up every day and choose if I want to go on one more day. And for that I'm truly grateful. HOPE springs eternal.
So anywho, yesterday, first Sunday of December was Fast & Testimony meeting which was super great until the end when it ran 20 minutes over and I had already used up my predetermined one hour and fifteen minutes of metered child patience (yes, I love the word super right now). After dropping the girls off at class and heaving a HUGE sigh of relief for no more wrestling, I went to class (a place I had been running from cause I usually did Young Women's business in the halls during second hour). Brother Bradbury was trying to cover 1st and 2nd Peter during a shortened class, and as you can imagine we only got through 1 Peter Chapters 1 & 2. My moment of inspiration came when I read this:
1 Peter 1:3-9
"3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, which according to his abundant mercy hath begotten us again unto a lively hope by the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead,
4 To an inheritance incorruptible, and undefiled, and that fadeth not away, reserved in heaven for you,
5 Who are kept by the power of God through faith unto salvation ready to be revealed in the last time.
6 Wherein ye greatly rejoice, though now for a season, if need be, ye are in heaviness through manifold temptations:
7 That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ:
8 Whom having not seen, ye love; in whom, though now ye see him not, yet believing, ye rejoice with joy unspeakable and full of glory:
9 Receiving the end of your faith, even the salvation of your souls."
Really great huh? I still often think of trials as moments to endure, moments to stretch us, moments to make us grow. I know I'm supposed to be grateful for these moments to improve and be better, but I cannot seriously explain the number of days and prayers I have used up in begging the Lord to simply give me a break from trials, from growing, from stretching. Seriously, just like a one year period. I usually just get a couple of months between disaster, so one year would be like manna to a starving wanderer. But yesterday I was reminded that trials can be temptations. A temptation to sin, to give up, or change who I want to be. I'm reminded to carry on and rejoice in my blessings for the ability to even receive the trial and the ability to wake up every day and choose if I want to go on one more day. And for that I'm truly grateful. HOPE springs eternal.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Days of Thanksgiving - Day 30
It is amazing to me to be on Day 30 of my Days of Thanksgiving, and still to have so many choices left of things for which to be grateful. I feel like I should announce some really super special, most meaningful things, but as with the rest of my days, I really do notice and appreciate the little things in my life. I really do. Here, on my last day, I am utterly super duper grateful for my .... home appliances. There I said it. Not an awe inspiring announcement, but when I think about the Pioneers or the days or long ago, I would really hate, hate, HATE being a house wife way back then. Way back to when you boiled your laundry and scrubbed it by hand in a tub or the river, when you had to collect firewood to cook, when there was no running water in the house so you had to haul it in to clean the floor. I'm grateful for these time saving devices that basically do the work for me. I mean laundry...I just sort, add soap, switch to the dryer and fold. I don't really even wash the clothes!
Cooking does not involve me checking a fire to regulate the heat. I put food in, set the timer and walk away. And don't even get me started on the wonders of the microwave for reheating! We didn't have one for about a year and we had to reheat on the stove or in the oven. Leftovers in 30 seconds as compared to 20 minutes?! Super cool. Way appreciateded! Yay modern conveniences!
 |
| I mean, really, all day like this???? |
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| This is so much better don't you think?! |
Cooking does not involve me checking a fire to regulate the heat. I put food in, set the timer and walk away. And don't even get me started on the wonders of the microwave for reheating! We didn't have one for about a year and we had to reheat on the stove or in the oven. Leftovers in 30 seconds as compared to 20 minutes?! Super cool. Way appreciateded! Yay modern conveniences!
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