An Idea

Last night I was sitting in my room and thinking about things.  And while I might appear to be doing better on the outside, on the inside, I'm still the same weak person.  I almost feel bi-polar (though I'm not) because I go through my normal feelings of "I can do this and here's the plan to make it happen" all the way to "Ugh, I'll never get myself up off this couch, or out of this pickle, or just have energy or enthusiasm to do anything."  The span of those emotions is approximately 2.6 seconds from one to the other.  Pitiful I know.

Anywho, I did have some thoughts last night, better yet, a whispering of the spirit perchance?  While I was thinking about it all, about how to get all I have to do done, and just trying to feel organized so I can even remember who needs what and when, an image of one of the 10 virgins can to my mind.  You know the parable in Matthew 25 right?  It goes like this,

1 Then shall the kingdom of heaven be likened unto ten virgins, which took their lamps, and went forth to meet the bridegroom.

2 And five of them were wise, and five were foolish.

3 They that were foolish took their lamps, and took no oil with them:

4 But the wise took oil in their vessels with their lamps.

5 While the bridegroom tarried, they all slumbered and slept.

6 And at midnight there was a cry made, Behold, the bridegroom cometh; go ye out to meet him.

7 Then all those virgins arose, and trimmed their lamps.

8 And the foolish said unto the wise, Give us of your oil; for our lamps are gone out.

9 But the wise answered, saying, Not so; lest there be not enough for us and you: but go ye rather to them that sell, and buy for yourselves.

10 And while they went to buy, the bridegroom came; and they that were ready went in with him to the marriage: and the door was shut.

Unfortunately, I think I'm one of the foolish virgins in this case.  I think this may be the case with moms in general sometimes.  I had plenty of oil in my lamp (time, energy, testimony, devotion, motivation, etc.) while I was standing in line waiting for Christ to come pre-wife, pre-kids, pre-homeowner, pre-business owner, pre-complicated life.  Then life happened, as it does, and I did not manage my oil wisely.  I shared it too frequently and with too many and gave away more than I should.  I kept nothing for myself and therefore, I ran out and have not enough for me or to share anymore.

It is time for me to go and purchase more oil.  To replenish my oil with good works, testimony, reading of scriptures, and things for me (goals, dreams, projects, activities that fill me).  I have learned the very hard way, by sacrificing myself for the good of all, that I have nothing for me.  And we all know that the only person who can save us is us (and Christ of course).  But it is through our actions, my actions, my reading, my prayer, my everything.  I can't live off others, nor can I stop what I need to do in order to given them my oil.  It gets me and them no where really.  They too need to fill their own oil.  I think that is why people term me an enabler.  I allow others to bring me down, and I can no longer.  Because when I do that, the only person down is me.

Wish me luck, it's going to be a lot of work, and a huge mindset change, but I think I can do it.  And by no means, and I going to neglect the things that still need to be done as a wife, mother, employee, business owner, but I can delegate, and I can simply allow others to do some things for themselves.  I know they can do it.  And if they mess it up for a bit, it will be okay, because they will have the opportunity to learn and grow and figure it out.  Just like I did.