Turning Eight

Laney just turned eight in June, and in our church it is called the age of accountability.  It means you are old enough to understand your actions and the consequences of them, and the responsibility you have for them.  At this point we baptize children, and it is obviously something very moving and sweet to see your child reach such a major milestone.  I have to be honest though, it is SCARING the living daylights out of me.  It is one of the first major step backs I have to make as a parent and I can't say I enjoy it.  Sending her to daycare was hard because I wasn't there to keep her safe and make sure people did not pick on her, or that teachers were nice.  Beginning school was huge too, she was now a full time student for the first time and was responsible for things away from me.  And I had to step back and rely on her to understand what she needed to do and how to do it.  I had to trust her relationships with students, teachers, leaders would be positive up-lifting relationships; and I had to deal with the fall out when they were not.

Laney has not been baptized yet because she spent the summer at grandma's and grandpa's house on summer vacation.  We were going to handle it as soon as she returned, but our congregation was divided because it was too large.  No we are in week 3 of a brand new congregation and everything is new to everyone.  We're giving Laney some time to get back to home rules (no grandparent rules) and the congregation time to assign someone the baptism responsibility so we can smoothly walk through the event.  I've also been trying to prepare Laney and help her to understand the significance of it all.  The fact that it means she has to stand up and be strong for herself, pray for forgiveness for mistakes, pray for guidance in decisions, and build a relationship with Heavenly Father of her very own.  And here I am taking another step back and allowing her to be her own person and grow from her decisions and mistakes.

I am one of those parents that does not buffer my child from consequences, but deep inside I really want to.  I really want to.  And I can't.  Not any more.  I can guide her, instruct her, pray for her, and support her.  But she is growing up and becoming her own person and living her life.  I know she is only eight, but 18 and college and 21 and missions, and 26 and marriage (59 if you ask Arlin) doesn't feel so far away anymore.  And I'm a little sad too, to lose my little baby girl and her sweet blond curly headed self.  They say as soon as you have children you are teaching yourself to hold them close, and them to let you go.  To eat and drink and sleep on their own, to be okay staying with the babysitter, to eat with a fork and drink from a sippy, to go to the potty all alone, to leave on that school bus with confidence, to pray and read their scriptures, and on and on. 

The more I teach her to let go, the more I want to hold on ...