I know most of my friends have more than two children, but some have none and some have one just like we used to. Lately, I've been thinking about the status of being the oldest child. I am not the oldest child, but I have one who plays one on tv. She is actually, a really great kid and we can't complain about having her around in the least. I do wonder sometimes though if she feels like she is getting the raw end of the deal for being the oldest kid. Laney is 7 now and while she still enjoys hugs and cuddle time, she wants to do it on her own schedule and not when we feel like doling out the love. Babies are trapped. They have to let you hold them and kiss them all over, and the best part is they don't know any different.
So usually when I get home from work, I walk upstairs to greet the family. Laney looks up at me and smiles, and returns to her tv/toy/project. Lindsay squeal, and comes racing (well, army crawling as fast as she can) over to me with the most excited grin on her little face. She is downright beside herself to see me and thinks there is nothing better in the world than mommy getting home. So I have what I would consider a natural reaction, and laugh, smile and pick her up and kiss her little face and head all over. After a couple of minutes of this, I tell myself to stop, and then I make a concentrated effort to be smiley and lively and kissy to Laney. She doesn't usually let me kiss her too much, but she does a little. I know as the kids grow up they cool when it comes to displays of affection (I remember doing it to my parents), but I have this great fear that Laney will see us being so excited and animated with Lindsay that she'll one day think Lindsay has all of our love.
We tell her in words and are sure to be excited to see her too, but you know how people are about babies. She says her grandparents like Lindsay better, but I've never heard her ask if we love Lindsay better. Maybe we are doing something right, but do any of you other parents out there wonder if some of your kids feel your love, and some don't? Or do you wonder if some kids are jealous of the others? You know, like thinking you have a favorite?
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Pick your moment and tell each of them they are your favorite (you can start with Laney since she'll understand - might want to wait a little with Lindsay).
ReplyDeleteThen they can argue bitterly about it in your golden years.
"Mom always said I was her favorite"
"No you weren't, I'm her favorite, she said so"
All the fun of childhood persisting into adulthood. :-)
That's a great post.
ReplyDeleteI was the oldest of four. I had to babysit when my parents took their walks around the neighborhood, and after they divorced, I did all the babysitting after school until I was in High School and old enough to escape the responsibility.
I remember quite poignantly at around 8 or 9, realizing that my mom had quit checking whether or not I had done my homework, bathed, and if I brushed my teeth. She assumed correctly that I had done it because she had taught me well. She was busy with 3 younger children, one with downs, but I still remember that feeling of being forgotten just because she didn't ask.
It will be much easier with two children and two parents. But I think it is important not to abuse the age difference when Laney is old enough to babysit, and to let her have a childhood too. She's a great helper! But later on it may surprise her that her zeal to help actually became a burden and she may feel resentment later.
Laney is a special little spirit so full of love. And Lindsay is a miracle baby. They don't have to think they are your favorite. They only have to know how much you love them for what makes them special and unique from their sister. If five minutes in time out is an eternity, then imagine how far 10 minutes of love will go. :)
Oh, I worry about the same thing. Sarah is really too old to be smothered in kisses, and yet she needs loving just as much as the other children. I tease her sometimes about how hard it is to get a hug or a kiss out of her, but I know I have to keep pressing her for it. Though scaled back quite a bit, I think physical affection and verbal affection and praise can do a lot if heartfelt.
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